Unfortunately, scissoring is one of those sex things that tends to get a bad rap. Countless jokes have been made about it. It’s even been dismissed as “not real”—i.e. the media “made it up” because they didn’t understand how queer women, lesbians, and AFAB people have sex with each other. And don’t get us wrong, there is plenty of misinformation out there about queer sex (and sex in general, le sigh). But trust, scissoring is real. Yes, completely real. What’s more: It’s FUN. And PLEASURABLE. It’s not the only way queer and AFAB people have sex, but it’s certainly an option.
Why is it called scissoring? Well, when you’re doing it, that’s exactly how you look: like two pairs of scissors opened and put together. Taylor Sparks, an intimacy educator and founder of Organic Loven, explains that scissoring “is done by having two people lie on their sides and interlace their legs—similar to two pairs of open scissors—until you connect at the genitals.” You get a ton of lovely bumping and grinding and clitoral action. What’s not to love? Sparks adds that scissoring can spice up any routine and should be taken seriously as a top-notch sex position.
Linnea Marie, a board-certified sex educator, adds that one of the great things about this position is that it “comes in many different forms and is totally customizable to fit the desires of the parties involved.” It can be adjusted to fit all bodies and genders. We love an accessible sex position!
Marie adds that scissoring is also a really fun way to explore and connect, allowing for deep eye contact and playing around with different toys. While this position doesn’t typically involve penetration, it totally can, if that’s your jam. Basically, scissoring rocks because it’s a fun and interesting way to have sex, all while getting the stimulation many clitoris-owners need to get off.
If you’re feeling ~intrigued~ and want to give this amazing position a go, here’s everything you need to know about scissoring, how to do it, and why it’s f-ing glorious. Happy trails!
1. Get in formation.
First off, make a peace sign with your left hand and right hand. Then go “snip snip” with your fingers (kidding!). But actually, orient your fingers so the two pairs of scissors interlock. There we have the glorious tangle of limbs generally known as scissoring. This is a pretty typical version of the position, which involves two bodies reclining on their sides and grinding, swiveling, and rubbing pelvic bones, ideally until you orgasm.
Katie Buckleitner
2. There’s more than one way to do it.
Scissoring is a wonderfully customizable position. And even though it’s most often associated with same-sex women couples, you can try it with whatever parts you’re working with. For some that’s two vulvas, for some that’s a vulva and a penis, for some that’s a penis and a penis, or literally any other combo.
As Saida Agostini, a Baltimore-based social worker and activist working to end rape culture, explains: “It can be amazing rubbing genital to genital. But another thing that can be amazing is rubbing against a leg or chest. It can be missionary, it can be one person on top, doggy style, or penetration can be involved. As long as it’s consensual there is no wrong way.” For example, you can try straddling your partner while they lie on their back. Putting one leg between theirs, try slowly rubbing your vulva on their thigh. So standing, kneeling, face to face, back to back, with or without toys you, you do you and change things up as necessary.
3. Stretch first. Seriously.
Anyone attempting to scissor shouldn’t be alarmed to find it’s an active position. You’ll be rubbing—NOT POUNDING, PLEASE THINK OF YOUR POOR PELVIC BONES!—against one another, which means searching for leverage, finding it, and moving your bodies until you find a fantastic rhythm. You will use your arms, legs, torso, head, shoulders, knees, and toes (okay maybe not all of that). Agostini gently advises, “It can be a lot of effort. So usually it is helpful to have someone who is a little bit flexible guide the work.” But even if you are both new, take a few minutes to stretch your legs and arms. Charlie horses kinda kill the mood, you know?
4. Oh, by the way.
Scissoring is not the only way queer women have sex. Scissoring is not the only way queer people have sex. Scissoring is not the only way bon-binary people have sex. Scissoring is not a queer-only position. Straight people may also scissor. Just in case that wasn’t abundantly clear already.
5. Gentle reminder: lube exists.
If you’re rubbing against a surface that has hair, like genitals, a chest, a leg, etc, you might want to add some lube to reduce any unwanted pulling or chafing. Try any of these luxurious lubes.
Katie Buckleitner
6. Protection, please.
Yes, it is absolutely possible to contract or transfer an STI or STD while scissoring. You can minimize risk by using a dental dam during sex, avoiding menstrual blood (yours and/or your partner’s) as well as visible genital lesions. Also remember: underwear is not a protective barrier. “Things to consider: [is there a] decision between partners to only exchange bodily fluids with one another even if they have sex with other partners?” asks Agostini. “Or are you having sex with other people? Whatever the situation is, it’s important to have really honest conversations about testing and the last time you had sex with others.”
7. It might get awkward. Lean in!
Sometimes watching porn can open your mind to new positions and ideas, but it’s definitely not a representation of IRL sex. Scissoring, like pretty much all sex positions, can get awkward. Between dry skin, queefing, struggling to find the rhythms that make your neurons light up, there’s a lot going down, and it’s all totally fine and natural. Sex can be a tremendously funny, gross and weird experience. Having the right partner means someone who can take the occasional kicks as they come, check to see if their teeth are intact, then keep grinding on.
8. Get some toys in on the action.
Nothing goes better with sex than toys. We love the Mimic+ by Clandestine Devices (a Cosmo favorite, btw). This toy can fit in the grooves between bodies while scissoring, making it an ideal scissor-friendly toy. We also like her because she’s very powerful, rechargeable, waterproof, and lasts a really long time. Other slim profile toys like the Je Joue Mimi Soft, the Lelo Lily, or the Cute Little F*ckers Starsi vibrator could also work here.
9. Get sensual.
Not every scissoring adventure needs to be romantic, but it’s a great position for it if that’s what you’re up for. Sparks suggests engaging with some tantric elements of sex, “such as rhythmic breathing together along with deep eye contact.” When done correctly, this position can be supes intimate. There’s nothing wrong with leaning into it.
10. Don’t forget the other erogenous zones.
While your genitals are enjoying all of that bumping and grinding (and buzzing!), this is a choice opportunity to bring in other erogenous zones. This can up the pleasure and create even more intense orgasms. “Caressing, gripping, and massaging other parts of the body like breasts, neck, thighs, and butt will increase the overall stimulation,” says Marie.
11. You don’t have to commit to scissoring.
“Remember, you don’t have to start nor finish in this position,” Marie says. Scissoring can be a fun way to explore during sex, but you don’t have to commit to it for the whole sex session. You can start with scissoring and move to stimulating each other with toys, oral sex, or anything in between. Or you could decide to end with scissoring after doing other things first. “Scissoring takes some time [to get used to] and perfect, so don’t fret if it doesn’t work perfectly the first time,” Marie adds. Have fun with it and don’t be afraid to try new things.
12. Scissoring isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
As with any sex position, your anatomy may impact how pleasurable you find scissoring. Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for Lovers, explains that folks who have more front-facing vulvas may find the position more pleasurable than those with back-facing vulvas. “The reason for this,” she explains, is “when your vulva is facing downward, it’s harder to get leverage,” That’s not to say those with back-facing vulvas can’t enjoy scissoring, though! Stewart adds that using a sex wedge like the Jaz Motion Wedge can help someone with a back-facing vulva rock back and forth more comfortably. Imani Johann, owner of Decadent D’Vices also sings praises for the Jaz Motion pillow and says it can be great for accommodating all body types to further enjoy scissoring.
4 Sex Toys That Will Give You the Best Orgasm
Lelo A Clitoral Massager That Uses Sonic Pulses for A VERY Intense OrgasmCredit: Lelo
The Lelo Sona uses mighty vibration to hit your clitoris deeeeep into the nerve endings you might not otherwise be able to reach. It’s so good, in fact, one of our editors said it gave her a “totally new type of orgasm.” Good luck resisting this one.
We-Vibe A Couple’s Vibe That’s Actually Easy to Use During SexCredit: Babeland.com
This silicone clitoral vibrator might not look like much, but trust—it’s actually amazing. The cupped tip fits perfectly over your vulva, and it won’t get in the way with a partner (yes, even during intercourse). The toy also features rumbly waves (no cheap buzzy vibrations here) that are so powerful, you’ll wonder how you ever had sex without it.
Lelo A Rabbit That Does So Much More Than VibrateCredit: Lelo
Where regs Rabbit-style vibrators (meaning: they have both internal and external stimulators) just vibrate and shake in place, the Lelo Ina Wave actually moves back and forth in a come-hither motion for a sensation so realistic, it feels like actual intercourse, but better. It’s also rechargeable and waterproof, so it’s perfect for solo bath or shower fun.
Crave A Luxe Necklace That’s Secretly a Sex ToyCredit: Babeland.com
This 24kt gold necklace not only looks chic, it’s also a very strong bullet vibe. It has an easy, one-button turn-on feature, and the charge lasts forever. Unsuspecting people will have no idea that it’s actually your NSFW plaything, but you’ll probably want to wear it all the time anyways because it’s so damn pretty.
